"It was such a weird feeling being alone there, sad, somewhat fearless, and accompanied by a weirdly friendly butterfly that would follow me all around the temple."
I received the following account:
"In 2017, I went on a one-month vacation to Japan all by myself. During that time my grandma back in New Mexico had fallen ill and had been hospitalized for maybe a couple of months by the time my trip started.
One day I was riding the train to get to a small town near Tokyo called Kamakura and halfway through the ride my mom texted me to tell me my grandma had entered a terminal state and would probably pass away within the next few hours. Needless to say, I was devastated and felt a weird combination of sadness and guilt for not being able to see her and stand by her during her final few moments among the living.
After arriving at my destination and barely being able to hold the tears inside, I decided that I just had to go on with my trip since it was something I had been looking forward to for a long time. Also, my grandma stated many times that she wanted me to enjoy myself while in Japan, so I thought that would have to be done one way or another. All that being said, there was a moment when I entered a really old temple that no one seemed to care about, and right before the entrance gate a butterfly appeared and started flying all around me. I've always been grossed out by bugs and all that stuff, but at that moment I just stretched out my hand and the butterfly stood on the tip of my fingers.
As I went into the temple, the butterfly kept on flying around me, occasionally standing on my head, shoulders, etc. It was such a weird feeling being alone there, sad, somewhat fearless, and accompanied by a weirdly friendly butterfly that would follow me all around the temple.
As I was about to step out of the temple after being there for a while, a middle-aged Japanese couple approached and were amused by how the butterfly was behaving, but failed to capture its attention the same way I did since it clearly didn't care about them. Anyway, once I finally crossed the entrance gate on my way out, the butterfly just randomly flew away and while I wanted it to come with me to visit some other temples (that place is full of them), it seemed as if it couldn't go anywhere else with me. As if it HAD to be right there and then when I visited and then just kinda disappeared.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, even when I don't quite believe in these kinds of things, it felt as if that butterfly somehow connected me with my dying grandma. As if it was sent there to say goodbye on her behalf or maybe to check on me. Whatever it was, it definitely brought an immense feeling of peace amidst such an impending, terrible loss. I later discovered that my grandma had passed away at the same time I was in the temple." Z
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